OH MY GOD SO ON MY WAY HOME I SAW THE MOTORCADE ON ITS WAY TO THE CAPITOL. I AM SO EXCITED.
*ahem*
I've lived here 18 months and seen a dozen motorcades. None of them were presidential. THIS ONE WAS. I'm so goddamned excited I could pee.
Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled cynicism.
AND HOLY CHRISTBALLS, GABBY GIFFORDS AND MAJOR HUGGING. I SHALL CRY NOW.
My Grandfather, Blah Blah Blah
In English classes, they stress the need for a "grabber" - an intro that catches the reader. This? This makes me want to go nappy-naps. Using words like "grandfather," "technology," and "paychecks" in the first five minutes of your could-very-well-be-final SOTU is a great way to make me - not to mention 4/9 Justices of the SCOTUS - fall asleep.
Thoughts on Color
Boehner is darker than 'Bama. Just saying. Lay off the Mystic Tan.
Also, is he wearing blush?
In Other Aesthetic News...
Joe Biden seems to have lice. Good lord, veepie, don't scratch your combover while you're on camera.
Cantor looks increasingly like Rob Lowe after he was beaten with an ugly stick and then had it shoved up his hiney.
Policy
FUCK YOU ON SOPA. FUCK YOU WITH A BAR OF SOP-A. But let's definitely crack down on fake Viagra, because everyone knows our nation's most precious resource is erections lasting longer than four hours.
Pandering
Name drop!
Heh. Semens.
Train the Americans for jobs. Jobs like polishing Mitt Romney's cuff links, making fries, and - hee. Semens.
Community college - okay, let's not fucking kid ourselves. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances, most people in community college are not going to be the next poet laureate. I'm sorry to be an elitist snot, but there are a number of ways for the financially disenfranchised to get into a four-year college if they work hard in high school. How about you put money into not making college so unaffordable that people are forced to take out $250K in loans? Or better yet, work on making primary education better so that by the time kids get to high school, they haven't completely given up. Get teachers and parents more engaged through new programs, explore alternative teaching methods (because not everyone learns from rote memorization and copying notes - in fact, most people don't. The ones that do well on tests about it just happen to be good at memorization but rarely retain the information), offer incentives to good teachers to teach in poor communities, and stop letting Texas put imaginary facts in the textbooks.
Yeah, some people end up in community college for health reasons, but that's a whole other can of worms.
Student loans aren't the issue - schools like my alma mater getting multi-million dollar donations and spending it all on a goddamned fucking fountain while there aren't enough classrooms is the problem.
On Notice!
Colbert's gonna sue.
Shot In the Foot, but You're Too Late
Stop pandering.
Second, stop saying shit that reminds people who are upset by your nixing of the Keystone Pipeline that you cut off a safe resource of energy (and see, I'm in favor of your nixing it, because it wasn't a good plan, and was a huge environmental hazard, but most people aren't totally with me, and in all fairness getting oil from Canada is less of a risk than getting it from fucking Nigeria). Talk about the environment being more important than a quick fix. Talk about our children and grandchildren being safe from an increase in natural disaster, asthma, and melting ice caps and that it's more important than filling the tanks of our SUVs for two more years. Talk about how the tough choices are sometimes the right ones and the popular ones are sometimes not what's best for the future.
FRANKEEEEEEEEN.
I love you Fraaaaanken, oh yes I do. There isn't anyone I love like you. 'Cause you snarked Leiberman, it's true. Oh Fraaaaanken, I love you.
More On Aesthetics
I'm 99.9% sure Biden's tie is both blinking and giving me a seizure.
The lights hit Obama in such a way that they look kind of...well...holy. I have to wonder if Biden arranged that as a romantic surprise.
WHO BOOED AT THE INSIDER TRADING THING?!
Pelosi's going to eat your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Or two buck chuck, whatevs.
Michelle's dress is nice. I would not be upset if it turned up on my doorstep tomorrow morning. Charitayyyyy.
Good Stuff
HILLAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
I just want to say, to all the women who believed - and this is on a serious note - we didn't just crack the ceiling. We shattered it.
I have never been as proud to be an American woman as the moment Hillary spoke at the DNC, nor so heartbroken to be an American voter whose vote was not the winning one.
And with that note...
We are finit.
GABBY! Another amazing woman. Let's hear it for the ladies.
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